and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
