I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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