Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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