My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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