Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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