this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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