One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
MIDGETS
????
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
