I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
