Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
