he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
