Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
