DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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