He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
