I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
