Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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