Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
