I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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