Four minutes until I can fart!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
