You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
now i know why i became what i already was.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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