the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
