Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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