Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
