he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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