apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
