Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
