drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
