walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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