We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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