So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
