never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
