I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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