so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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