what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
