and she was petting her beer can
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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