my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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