You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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