Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
