boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
