tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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