There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
