did you get engaged???
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
