Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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