Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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