i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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