38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
