You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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