I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
