All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
