I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
