ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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