he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
