just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
