We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
