May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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