um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
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"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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