I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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