So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
