Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
