I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
