So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
