Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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