I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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