Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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