just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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