he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
