We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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