I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
