Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
