Cold hands, warm shart.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
