at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
