I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
