We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
